on things pink, orange and wi-fi capable

eep. major dilemma. i can't decide which i should spend on? not that i should be spending really. BUT. BUT. BUT.

the pink pentax k-r. wait no, that's wrong. the PINK pentax k-r. i've always wanted a dslr of my own. but this time, i want a KILLER PINK DSLR. god, i'm such a girl. what can i say? it's pink, for crying out loud. if i were to buy a camera of my own, it might as well be a happy camera. and if pink's not happy enough, i don't know what else is.

the samsung galaxy ace. i don't really need a phone, i survive everyday with my cheap 1.3mp phone. and i have an htc PDA. but in this particular era of survival, wi-fi is oxygen. and though i love my cheap 1.3mp phone, it just doesn't have enough memory and enough functionality to keep me happy. it looks a bit like the iphone but i don't want an iphone. if i had an iphone and someone stole it from me, i'd throw myself off a cliff. that's a year's worth of salary right there. not really. a year's worth of taxes, more like it.

the kamiseta orange suitcase. wouldn't it be wonderful to have a suitcase that screams ORANGE in the airport? hahaha. i don't know why but lately i'm getting more and more attached to the orange color. must be because of my pink, turquoise and orange jansport backpack. which i bring to work every single day and which i absolutely love. anyway, i need this orange suitcase. i'm going to singapore in a few weeks!!

gah. i'd probably end up not buying any of these soon anyway. i promised myself i'd save up for singapore. so no unnecessary expenses, louie. even if deep down inside i know these things are necessary to keep my happy bubbles afloat. well, for the meantime i'd just have to settle for something that's pink and orange and bubbly all at the same time:

delicious ambiguity.

karl marx would hate me

we went looking for shoes yesterday and i found so many that i wanted to buy. but i couldn't move a peso. i'm saving for singapore. it pains me to leave those pretty things on the racks.

materialism is such a b*tch. one day i try so hard to save up for the rest of my life, the next day i spend it all out on clothes. what do i do with myself? thinking about 2012 and the end of the world doesn't help me at all. i mean if it's going to be the end of the world soon, why the hell should i hold back? that's one messed up defense mechanism right there.

as a kid, i grew up saving for all the things i wanted. all the things i needed were provided for me but i was always too polite not to ask for the things i want. now that i'm earning my own butter, it's almost like the police line on spending has been cut. i put the police line and i cut it myself. but there's just so much clothes and shoes and food and books out there in the world that it's hard to see the stoplight.

but hey guess what, i'm accounting for all my expenses now. it was my new year's resolution. and little by little i can see that i am cutting down on my expenses. i don't think i can ever let go of materialism (not that i intend to) but at least i'm learning how to manage it. i think.

delicious ambiguity.

The Adjustment Bureau

i just saw "The Adjustment Bureau" today. it was not what i expected, really.

it's a great take on the divine providence and how we, humans, have a predetermined destiny or fate. the adjustment bureau is a group of "people" or guardians who make sure that everyone stays on his or her destined path. they perform recalibrations on people's minds to ensure that correct reason, judgment and choices are made, based on the plan that was written for each individual. but once in a while, a person like david norris comes along who meets the love of his life and he struggles to defy all that laws that were laid down for him and his destiny so he could be with her.

imagine if it were true. what if there are actually forces that keep certain people apart, just because they weren't meant for each other? is that why soulmates never end up with each other?

i think the conception of the adjustment bureau is genius. chance or coincidence cannot always account for the things that happen around us that completely blow us off track. having an invisible adjustment bureau would actually make sense. but the violation of free will and choice is no light matter. free will was supposed to be God's greatest gift to man.

but i still believe in amor vincit omnia. God loves us above all. i'm sure He understands love better than any of us do. mankind may have made many mistakes, we may have started numerous wars, caused unfathomable pain to each other, but ultimately, we all still believe in God. maybe some of us are still afraid to admit it, but deep down inside, God makes sense. God's love makes complete sense.

delicious ambiguity.

confetti

i missed this blog. i think i'll be spending more time on this blog from now on. sorry i chose to elope with facebook and twitter for a while, but i'm back now. second chance?

delicious ambiguity.

it's raining so i take time to ponder

now that i have a lot of time on my hands (more than i can handle, in truth), i wanna go back to a lot of things i used to do and to explore many new things. but there's just so many that i don't know where and how to start.

i wanna go back to art. i wanna draw and paint and create again. i miss peeling dried glue from my fingers, i miss smearing clean sheets of paper with pencil lead, i miss drawing eyes, i miss squeezing tubes of paint. i miss my paintbrushes. these days, the only brushes i get to hold are my make up brushes and my toothbrush. not that i don't like make up, i love make up. but the basic, the most primitive form of art is my one true love.

i wanna write again. i used to write a lot, i used to be socially relevant, politically critical. i used to have big, idealistic ideas. i used to drown in my own idealisms. but now i just.. thrive. i live everyday tolerating corruption, crime and the never-changing system. i do not like the

things that are happening but i am not doing anything about them either, so it's pretty much apathy. i hated apathy then. can't believe i turned into the very person i swore not to become in such little time.

i wanna try sports. as a kid, i was always too thin, too frail for sports. i want formal training on badminton and swimming and i want to learn how to play tennis. i find myself wondering out loud about sports classes but i never get around to actually looking for them and enrolling in them. god, i've turned into such a lazy ass.

i wanna dance. this is one of the earliest impulses i never got around to developing because i was always too shy. i've always been cooped up in the academic honor roll that i never gave myself the chance to let it loose.

i wanna go back to school. i want to finally study something that my heart so desires. i wanna study architecture and interior design. i love color, i love furniture, i love shapes, symmetry and the lack of it, i love parts of math. i think i've finally decided what i want to be in life, though it took me so long. i wanna be an architect. i want to build houses, design houses, color homes. i want to build structures, feel the texture of tiles, walls, carpets, flowers. i wanna be an architect. I WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT.

i'm not saying that i don't love what i do at present. i'm a nurse and i try to save lives everyday to the best of my abilities. but it's just not my calling. to heal, save and cure the human condition can be difficult at times.

i'm only 22 and i have so many things i want to do. i want to travel the whole world, i wanna be a flight attendant, i wanna be a model, i wanna be so many things all at the same time that i frustrate myself sometimes because i know i can't be all of them. but then again, why not?

delicious ambiguity.

question

where is the

?

delicious ambiguity.

age-old drama

stop fighting, please.

i hate it when you guys fight. maybe you have never thought about how your arguments affect us but i don't want to be the one to tell you. i can tell you're sad and heartbroken without me telling you all about the trauma you cause us whenever you pull each other's hair.

i know you're sad, i know you miss my brother, i know you just want attention but you need to learn to cope adaptively. we cannot stay here forever, we need to grow up. frankly, it's your selfishness that prevents that from happening. you cannot shelter us forever, we need to be able to run under the rain, cross the dangerous streets, get attacked by strangers, fall in love, get hurt and survive.

i don't know how to tell you because i'm afraid of hurting you.

and you're already hurting too much.

delicious ambiguity.