Maya

i can feel the sun on my eyes. it's a bright day today. i stretch my wings a little and feel the cool breeze on my feathers. i open my eyes a tiny bit and the glorious sun blinds me for a moment. it's another day.

i look around me. i see trees, clouds, houses and children. i love looking at children. their tiny hands and feet amaze me. and their smiles make you happy inside. i can't smile. god knows how much i wish i can smile. it's an odd thing, the smile. everytime someone smiles, i can see through their soul, i can see faith, i can see hope. it's a wonderful thing, the smile. i wish i can smile.

i stretch out my wings and i take off. i love flying, diving into clouds, weaving in and out of trees, touching the surface of the water with my tiny feet. i can see the way the humans look at me when they see me fly. it's almost as if i can see their pain, their desire to fly, just as strong as my desire to smile. life is fair after all.

i tried to pray for a smile. i go to church everyday just to check up on god. i fly in through the windows of churches, i look at god and i listen to his stories. i do this everyday, but i still am not able to smile. it pains me. this is the only wish i have, i live for the day when i can finally smile. but i guess god has his reasons. i just wish he would overlook those reasons just this one moment for me. just once.

but i keep my faith despite that. despite everything.




delicious ambiguity.

forrest gump's metal braces.

this morning, i prayed for this little girl on the jeep. she reminded me of forrest gump: she had metal bars on her left leg, she was thin and she was brimming with innocence. she seemed to me as if she had a developmental disorder. her mom was hugging her tight the whole time.

i couldn't decide whether she had it better than the rest of us.

she wouldn't have to worry about falling in love and getting hurt.
she wouldn't have to know how painful it is to have friends leave your side.
she wouldn't have to be burdened by the conflicts of adolescence, the problems of everyday life, the inconsistencies of faith and the complexities of the human condition.

but before love hurts, it makes us grow.
before our friends leave, they'd laugh, cry and be stupid with us.
adolescence breaks us but it rebuilds us too.
life is a blind mission but it sharpens our senses.
faith makes us believe and makes us hope.
the human condition was not something we were meant to solve, it was something we should learn to control.

maybe she had it better, but then again that's not for us to decide.

live.

delicious ambiguity.