i love freedom.

i realized that this is what's most important to me right now.

one should never try to contain me because i will burst.
one should never attempt to hold me down because i was not meant to stay on the ground, i was meant to fly.
one should understand that i believe in bigger things, in a bigger purpose and that i want to contribute to these bigger things and purposes.
one should know that i dont want to calm down, that i want to run around in circles until i make it to the top.
one should realize that i am not ready to commit to a comfortable life because i am just beginning to experience the world, and i want to be able to experience, learn and feel as much as i can.

delicious ambiguity.

epiphany

i was taught the value of never giving up, never quitting and thriving til the end. i learned that enduring the things that hurt you will make you a stronger person. for a long time i convinced myself that i can endure and tolerate most things. heck, i survived four years of a college degree i was consciously rejecting. but recently i found out that there are some things that shouldn't be pushed to the limit, some situations that don't have to be endured for so long because i have a choice; because i choose to have options and i should not refuse to walk down another path.

everyone from work kept asking me why i'm leaving. i wanted to explain but i didn't think they'd understand. they wouldn't let me explain anyway. i wanted to tell them that i dont just want to leave, i NEED to leave. i don't want to get comfortable just because i earn a lot. i can't even see the big pay as a consolation for the job i am doing. i have a lot of dreams and i'd rather chase them right now than sit back and wonder about the things that could have been. perhaps i'm looking for adventure, perhaps i'm looking for something more purposeful. at this point, i am at that phase where my ideals and values are more important than everything else. for a few months i had to give them up because the job required me to do so. and that was most painful to me than anything else. it was not the stress or the 11-hour shift, it's the thought that i had to give up these things in exchange for a big fat paycheck. i refuse to believe that everything has monetarial value these days. and i refuse to be bought.

so, i'm leaving. i am aware of the numerous consequences this decision could bring and i am also aware that a lot of people will be affected by this decision. but for once, i just want to stop thinking about everyone else, about what they would think and say. i want to be able to decide for myself because of the consequences it will have on me, above anything else.


delicious ambiguity.