sketcharoo 29

it's hell out here. the heavy rain won't stop, floodwater keeps building up and more and more people are being evacuated. it's scary. i've been praying since this morning. god help us.

but the rain can't stop me from being productive. so i read up on colored pencils tutorials this afternoon. i said i was going to try another colored drawing today. i practiced all the techniques and i think i got the basics. but i still ended up drawing another B&W. heh. i wanted to try out the techniques using graphite pencils since i never really read up on it before so here we go.

i decided to shade the whole face first. i decided i'd focus on the eyes later. i wanted to finish the left side of the drawing first in order to minimize the mess i'd make on the drawing.

i'm pretty happy with the result. i think i exerted more effort on this drawing compared to the previous ones. note the clean-cut borders. hahaha. hmm makes me think about extending my love affair with B&W.

delicious ambiguity.

sketcharoo 28

 thirty-fourth. i wanted to give blonde hair another go, so..

pretty happy with the result. although i know i could've done better. this was one of the toughest i had to do. cheers to better blonde days!

people could change for the better, if they wanted to.

delicious ambiguity.

sketcharoo 27

thirty-third. still a color-free drawing. seeing my colored pencils set makes me scared these days. i feel like i don't have the power to wield them.

 2 drawings in 2 days. i must be very, very sad. or stressed. or bored. or all of the above.

 right after i finished this drawing, i learned that i was working the morning shift tomorrow. jeezus, i should be sleeping. goodnight, world. see you tomorrow.

delicious ambiguity.

sketcharoo 26

thirty-second.

 recently discovered the gold mine that is harper's bazaar. sooo many good pictures. not to mention BIG.

 last time i drew was two months ago. i really can't trust myself to stick to something so faithfully.

pretty happy with the result, though i'm not quite satisfied with the hair.

but for now, excuse me, i need to dance to "moves like jagger".
delicious ambiguity.

bad day.

it's that feeling again.

the feeling that i don't belong in this particular corner of the world. a misfit. that's how it feels like. the feeling that tells you you ought to be somewhere else, doing something else. it's amazing how a bad day can run me down like this. i try so hard to do good here but i don't know, somehow i still manage to mess things up.

delicious ambiguity.

read to me.

"..they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time."

i found this on tumblr today and i realized how sad it must be to die a second time. which brings me to the point of this blog. i've been thinking a lot about my patients lately and i figured i could be in their place one day (though i hope not.) if i fall into a coma, i hope somebody, anybody would read me stories. books, any good book will do.

stories from the beginning til the end.

read to me when i can't anymore.
live for me when i can't.

delicious ambiguity.

nursing my nut-free mars bar.

just another night off from work, munching on a mars bar (which frustrated me because i thought mars bars had nuts in them), loitering on the world wide web and eavesdropping on the tv from the other room. a news report was on and it was discussing which college courses should be avoided by highschool seniors. it wasn't shocking to hear that nursing was on top of the list, what with 400,000+ graduates unemployed in hospitals. i mean really. it's normal to expect that 50% of the people on the bus are nursing graduates. the country is practically overflowing with them and we are multiplying exponentially.

well anyway, towards the end of the report, the advice given was this: for students to pick a course that is in line with his/her capabilities and his/her ambitions and more importantly, a course that would give them a job. i did that, 6 years ago. i chose a course that i thought would give me a job. tada! i ended up in nursing. well i do have a job, i'm an ICU nurse in one of the biggest hospitals in the country but that's more because i graduated from the country's premier state university. but the point is not the destination, it's the journey. and throughout my journey in nursing i was miserable (except for the friends part. they were all lovely.) i wasn't happy with the course and i knew then that it was a wrong decision.

whatever happened to those days when people just chose courses based on their interests, based on their capabilities? fine arts would give you a hard time in looking for a decent, stable job but if you're happy with art, then why the hell not? if you're really passionate about something and if what you do makes you happy, it wouldn't stop you from looking for that perfect job. i think it beats being in a decent, stable job where you are miserable every day of your life. money can only get you so far.

look who's talking? hahaha. i'm the frustrated artist working in the intensive care unit keeping GCS3 patients alive. but i'm also the frustrated artist who has not given up.

delicious ambiguity.

brothers.

i've never been away from my brothers for too long. we've always been together, we stick together wherever. but they had to move into dormitories by highschool so we only saw each other during weekends and summer vacations. when we got into college and all of us lived in separate dormitories, we saw each other less but my parents made sure we still spent enough time with each other. we sang songs together on road trips, we watched tv together, we joked and laughed with each other, we share serious conversations too. we were basically friends.

this afternoon, my brother left for france. i couldn't stop myself from crying. i hate being away from my brothers. when my younger brother left for singapore, i cried myself to sleep. i've never been away from my brothers. i hate goodbyes, i hate that i'm always left behind, i hate the fact that we have to grow up and away from each other.

i hope two years will pass by in the blink of an eye.

delicious ambiguity.