Rain I don't mind

Rain I don't mind, originally uploaded by *Kit Kat / kathie.

everything cries.

After the rain has fallen...

After the rain has fallen..., originally uploaded by LOlandeseVolante.

if i could shield you from rain and storm everyday, i would.
if i could shine my colors upon you everyday, i would.

Cassette Rainbow

Cassette Rainbow, originally uploaded by The Bottomless Paddling Pool.

rainbows and music.

05.07.08 : Rainbow House On Clipper St.

05.07.08 : Rainbow House On Clipper St., originally uploaded by PJ Taylor Photo.

people who live in this house must be very happy people. rainbows are happy things.

my hopes are high.

a new leader, a brand new chance for the country.

i hope your integrity and your honesty will give you enough strength: the strength to carry the children of the country, to bring us up on our feet.

i hope your parents' legacy will give you enough courage: the courage to say what you need to say, to do what you need to do, to separate right from wrong in ALL circumstances and to stand for what you believe in.

i hope the faith the people invested in you will not be put to waste.

i hope you will be the change that we so desperately seek.

i hope this time, this country will not fail.

delicious ambiguity.

strength.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

delicious ambiguity.

podcasts don't change the world.

anyone who thinks he can change the world simply by pointing out flaws and expecting everyone to come to an epiphany and get on their feet is deluded.

one does not change the world by picking out the weeds and stomping on the ground.

one cannot change the world without changing a country, a community, a person first. and this does not happen over angry podcasts that tread on a country's identity.

adam carolla was right in saying that manny pacquiao should not be allowed to lead merely on the basis of his fame and his fortune. i believe that he is in his right place in this lifetime: inside the boxing ring. all his charitable deeds are just that: charity. it does not show an exceptional ability to lead, to govern, to breathe life into this dying country. he cannot buy a first-world ranking for this country. he cannot sustain whatever is left of the life of this country on charitable donations. his fame cannot feed the hungry, shelter the homeless or heal the sick. his hands were made for sport, not to build a country.

true, he unites the filipino people. he is a symbol of hope. we've become so used to losing and being tread upon that he became our silver lining. but we are not all stupid, contrary to what most of the world thinks. we are not all contented with slavery and passivity. we are kind but not tolerating. we are understanding but not naive. we are small but we are strong.

manny pacquiao is not everything to the filipino people. he is simply a source of pride, a ray of hope, a symbol of strength. he is not this country's knight in shining armor. we are our own saviors.

so don't look down on us. we may be a third world country, but we can survive in places and times you can't even dare imagine. on the day when we finally rise up to your level, we will not push you to the ground, we will just rise even higher.

delicious ambiguity.

my first eulogy: eulogy to my grandmother

Nobody has ever loved as she had.

She has always understood more than anyone can ever understand.

She has always loved more than anybody deserved.

She has always cared more than she could offer herself to care.

No summary could do justice to the life she led. I can only say as much as those things we will miss, those things we love and will always love about her.

What will we miss?

.. The feel of her frail and gentle hands against our skin as she tries to rub away our pain with her herbal remedies, and how we have always been thankful for those herbs, often not realizing that it is not the herbs that heal, its her love, her gentle caress, her warmth and her desire to take away our pain because she hurts too.

.. Her voice that speaks of eternal patience and forgiveness. At the end of those days where we return drunk and noisy, regretful and pregnant, hurt and seeking refuge, angry and irrational, she has always been there to listen, to care, to touch. And then you’d know, things are going to be alright.

.. Her strength and unwavering faith in life and its goodness. How she always finds a way to collect all those coins for our fare and allowance; how she always finds the strength to wash and iron our clothes, cook our food and polish our shoes; how she manages to create slippers out of paper just so we’d know the importance of clean feet.; how she always tries to teach us the proper way for a girl to sit, for a boy to eat, for a parent to love;

.. Her love that transcends mistakes, overcomes shortcomings, forgives, and forever endures. Her love that shines from her eyes, flows through her veins, radiates from her smiles and emanates from all that she does. It is her love that keeps us going through the toughest of times and it is her love that makes every blissful moment even more worthwhile.

And now, we think, how are we supposed to continue living without the feel of her frail hands, the sound of her voice, the source of our strength, the meaning of unconditional love? How do we get by knowing that we may never see her smile again? And how do we accept the fact that she is not here with us anymore, that she won’t be there to listen when were drunk, regretful, angry and hurt?

The answer is family. She has always kept this whole family together, she has always tried to keep it close. She taught us that life is not about the things that break us, its about the things that bind us. If there is anything and anyone, who will help us get through this loss, its going to be our family.

As we say our last goodbyes, let us seek comfort in the fact that she has returned to the arms of the One who can love her no greater than anyone else and that she has left us with lessons, love and families that would endure just as greatly as she had in this world.

Nobody has ever loved as she had. We can only aspire to love as much as she had, to keep the family as close as she had.

She is not gone. She is in each of our hearts, she is in every family we have.

- February 10, 2008 -

delicious ambiguity.

a eulogy for my grandmother

my grandmother died last tuesday. i was tasked to deliver a speech to remember her life that was and to help everyone else heal. but how does one inspire when one has lost?

***

Sometimes it’s not the tears that measure the pain. It’s the smile that we fake to show everyone we’re okay.

But we’re not okay. We’re hurting inside, terribly.

I lost a grandmother who helped me through my ABCs and my exams. I lost a grandmother who made me Sailormoon when I said I wanted to be one. I lost a grandmother who never failed to remember all the significant occasions in my life. I lost my grandmother.

We lost a parent, a sister, a teacher, a friend. We lost a significant part of the family. And it hurt us.

Mamang,

When you stopped talking to us,

When you started to forget,

When your wounds hurt you,

When you left without saying goodbye,

You hurt us.

But we may not have known how much we hurt you.

For all the times you called out to us but we did not respond,

For all the times you needed patience and understanding and all we could give you was silence,

For all the times you fought back the words, the fears and the tears and we never knew,

For all the time we were not by your side and you felt alone,

For all the times we did not get to say how much we love you,

We are sorry.

But know that we are hurting terribly. No pain can ever match that which is felt for a parent lost. Your absence will forever leave a hole in our hearts and we can only do so much as attempt to patch up the hurt with the memories you left us.

Mamang,

Thank you for your guidance, your lessons and your patience.

Thank you for the love, the understanding and the forgiveness.

But most of all, thank you for the family that you put together to forever remind us the essence of family you once taught us.

This is most painful to those who have been left behind.

To Lolo Nitoy and Lola Baby

Lolo Emil and Lola Linda

Lola Dory and Lolo Ben

Lolo Ben and Lola Jean

Lola Nora and Lolo Bob

She was a sister whose love burned bright and strong and she will remain alive through each of you.

To Papa and Mommy

Tito Boyet and Tita Shiela

Tita Baby and Tito Conrad

She was a mother who taught you how to be husband and wife and most of all, parents. Keep the family together and remain strong. That’s what she would have wanted.

To Ate Carol who knew my grandmother best during her last few months. Thank you for tending her wounds, wiping her tears and feeding her strength. You kept her alive.

To everyone who stayed by our side during this time of need, who kept us strong and paid their respects, thank you. My grandmother is happy that you loved her til the very end.

And to those who cannot be here, we can only imagine how painful it is to be mourning alone and away from her. But know that your prayers reached her and that she understands that your love transcends distance.

Smile, even if it hurts. We will heal because we are together.

Smile, because Mamang loved you.

And Mamang, we love you.

~ April 4, 2010 ~

***

delicious ambiguity.

dear mr. president.

the 2010 elections are almost here and the politicians are all over the place again. out to prove themselves or prove themselves wrong. out to be with the masses or just widen the gap between them. out to outwit or out-bitch the other candidates. i never liked the election season.

because i can't stand listening to them mumble about things they don't know, here's a short message to our politicians:

i dont know how many of you really sat down and thought to yourself if you could handle the country. you dont just decide to run because people are egging you on, or because you have the money to paste your face all over the metro and on the palms of everyone, or because your parents are great and you sincerely believe you inherited that innate greatness too. you do not run for president on a whim. you sit down and think. you think for days, weeks, months. you think about the country, the people and all of their problems. dissect the philippine condition and develop opinions, plans. youre not supposed to figure out a solution to a problem when you are on the hot seat, being questioned by the whole world. you are supposed to carry the country on your shoulders. and we need someone who is strong enough on his own.

we do not expect you to know everything. neither do we expect you to do everything. we are a nation and we are bound to help each other pick ourselves out of this mess. but what we expect from you is that you be prepared. the people need more than just your pretty face on your pretty posters. we need more than your money. we need more than your promises. we need your strength, your faith, your mind, your hands and your heart.


delicious ambiguity.

Maya

i can feel the sun on my eyes. it's a bright day today. i stretch my wings a little and feel the cool breeze on my feathers. i open my eyes a tiny bit and the glorious sun blinds me for a moment. it's another day.

i look around me. i see trees, clouds, houses and children. i love looking at children. their tiny hands and feet amaze me. and their smiles make you happy inside. i can't smile. god knows how much i wish i can smile. it's an odd thing, the smile. everytime someone smiles, i can see through their soul, i can see faith, i can see hope. it's a wonderful thing, the smile. i wish i can smile.

i stretch out my wings and i take off. i love flying, diving into clouds, weaving in and out of trees, touching the surface of the water with my tiny feet. i can see the way the humans look at me when they see me fly. it's almost as if i can see their pain, their desire to fly, just as strong as my desire to smile. life is fair after all.

i tried to pray for a smile. i go to church everyday just to check up on god. i fly in through the windows of churches, i look at god and i listen to his stories. i do this everyday, but i still am not able to smile. it pains me. this is the only wish i have, i live for the day when i can finally smile. but i guess god has his reasons. i just wish he would overlook those reasons just this one moment for me. just once.

but i keep my faith despite that. despite everything.




delicious ambiguity.

forrest gump's metal braces.

this morning, i prayed for this little girl on the jeep. she reminded me of forrest gump: she had metal bars on her left leg, she was thin and she was brimming with innocence. she seemed to me as if she had a developmental disorder. her mom was hugging her tight the whole time.

i couldn't decide whether she had it better than the rest of us.

she wouldn't have to worry about falling in love and getting hurt.
she wouldn't have to know how painful it is to have friends leave your side.
she wouldn't have to be burdened by the conflicts of adolescence, the problems of everyday life, the inconsistencies of faith and the complexities of the human condition.

but before love hurts, it makes us grow.
before our friends leave, they'd laugh, cry and be stupid with us.
adolescence breaks us but it rebuilds us too.
life is a blind mission but it sharpens our senses.
faith makes us believe and makes us hope.
the human condition was not something we were meant to solve, it was something we should learn to control.

maybe she had it better, but then again that's not for us to decide.

live.

delicious ambiguity.

we don't fight fair.

if i would be reincarnated, i'd like to be a rainbow.

delicious ambiguity.

the echo persists.

do you still remember that time when we were so angry?
if there was an epicenter of hatred, we could have been that.

we used to want to change things.
but i doubt you remember what you felt then.

because all it ever came to be was a fleeting emotion, a fleeting revolution.
it did not live to see 60 signatures. the ink has run, the paper has turned yellow. and justice became a lost cause.

we knocked on your doors, we screamed for your signatures. you told me you reject the injustice, you begged for salvation. but when the wheels started turning, you made us chase you down. in the middle of the road, everything became clear. no one was strong enough to see this through.

and everything just died.

where has everyone gone?
everyone is busy living their own lives now. everyone has their own life to tend to, everyone is in a hurry to live. dreams have deadlines and everyone is chasing their own deadlines, looking for their lost selves, searching for meaning, learning, doing everything but remember what used to be. we are all at fault. what became of Vincent is our fault.

and so i ask, what do YOU want to do now?

and more importantly, what can WE do now?


delicious ambiguity.

working

this is the life.
free internet at work, facebook the whole day, burger shop when the boss is not looking.
now, how to become boss...

delicious ambiguity.