book reviews and color

i finally got myself one kick-ass pencil sharpener and i sharpened my prismacolor pencils once and for all. but then i took another detour and my colored faces project was delayed for another few weeks at least. that detour is called the bookstore and i just kept buying book after book after book. reading has always been an important part of my life. mind feed always feels good to me. and once i pop, i can't stop.

last week i bought three books. i read before work, immediately after work and i made sure i compromised my sleep to finish each book. first one i read was "my name is memory" by ann brashares. it wasn't a bestseller but i was curious. love stories always make me curious. must be because i never had a decent one of own. but anyway, it tells the story of soulmates. i've always wondered how soulmates come to be and if they really aren't meant to be together in the end. the book says yes, they're not meant to end up together in the end and that's just tragic. what's even more tragic was how the book ended. WORST ENDING EVER. that's one book i'm keeping at the bottom of my book trunk.

i immediately headed to the bookstore once i finished brashares. i did not want to lose my faith in the writing industry. (LOL) so i picked this up:

"thirteen reasons why" by jay asher. it's a story about a girl who committed suicide and about the tapes she made pointing out the thirteen people who pushed her over the edge. it's a tragic story, but not far from reality at all. i'm pretty sure a lot of people experience discrimination and stereotyping everyday of their lives. if everyone could read this book, maybe, just maybe, those injustices can be stopped. we can save someone everyday, that's what this book taught me. it doesn't hurt to be good to someone. we'll never know what sort of battles each of us is fighting but we can trust the fact that we do have our own battles. so yes, i recommend this.

next thing i bought was "room" by emma donoghue. i've had my eye on this book for the longest time but i didn't buy it the first time because i was spending on my drawing materials then. the next time i went looking for it, it was out of stock. so when i finally found a copy in the bookstore, i bought it without hesitation.

it was difficult to read in the beginning because a child is the narrator of the story. grammatical errors make my head ache so i needed breaks every now and then. but i got attached to the kid eventually. and it's hard not to be. the kid has lived in a room for five years and all the while he thought that's all there is: his room. eventually he managed to escape and he was able to set both himself and his mother free. but it was such a great struggle for him to be outside in the real world and i found myself empathizing with him a lot of times. there was one time where he said something like "I've been out here in the real world for two weeks and I still don't know what could hurt me" and that just completely broke my heart. i've been out here for 23 years, kid. i know how you feel. this is one of the BEST books around. even after finishing the book, i still find myself thinking about the story, remembering Jack's favorite lines. i think this is one of those few books i can read over and over again and still get the same feeling every single time. great story, it definitely moved me.

so i recently realized that all i've been doing was buy books and spend all my waking hours reading them. i don't really mind but i look at my sketchpad that's accumulating dust and i think i've been very unfair to my hands. so i put down my latest book ("How to walk in high heels") and set down to spend time with my hands.

ack. it was a disaster. i didn't think it would be THIS hard. i've been using colored pencils ever since i learned how to distinguish the primary colors and now it feels like i'm using them for the first time. it's hard to come up with the right shade of skin, the right amount of shadows, the right amount of smudge. and i couldn't put my kneaded eraser to good use because it can't erase color like it does on pencil. and it's my first time not using grids (hi master! LOL) and i think i kinda messed up her facial structure a bit. well anyway, i'm not giving up. this is just a trial period. i don't think i've officially started my colored project yet. more practice for me. :)

delicious ambiguity.

one serious sketcharoo post (for once)

i finally mustered enough courage and self-confidence to finish this project that i started eons ago. i'm not completely happy with the result, i could have chosen a picture with a full face, i could have chosen a black and white photo from the internet but i didn't. maybe the desire to complete the project was greater than the desire to actually improve my craft. but that's just terrible, louie. you suck.

but is there a way to justify this? don't we all have those moments, when the need for satisfaction comes in the form of a completed project instead of knowing that you improved in your craft because no one gives a damn anyway? the feeling of satisfaction is greatly magnified when there is an audience to appreciate what you've done. no one goes around shouting "i'm better at this!" because that would make you a retard. a retard who's too full of himself. oh but wait. people do that these days. bummer. sometimes i forget how the times have changed. or maybe, i just like pretending the times haven't changed so much. there is always that ache when i think about how things used to be before facebook, twitter and the internet. a lot of times i want to quit all these superficial, temporarily gratifying nonsense but i cannot find enough will power to do so.

i've been reading an old friend's blog posts on tumblr and i can relate to most of what she said. she was an incredible writer back then in high school but now she's stuck in a job she hates. it sucks to be an adult. especially when you're an adult stuck in a job you absolutely hate, a job that's so far from your dreams that not even light years can fill. and then you earn minimum wage. and then there's the daily traffic that can age you in seconds. it's terrible out there. if i could choose, i'd choose to be a kid again.

delicious ambiguity.