wow i've been gone a long time. i've read more books than i'd like to admit since my last post and a lot has happened too since then. if there was a blogger attendance score, i'd get a big, fat F.
but now I'm blogging because I'm sort of sad. my brother leaves for France tomorrow afternoon and i was wondering how long 2 years will be. i'm worried and excited for him at the same time, and i'm sad and proud for my whole family. i've always been super proud of my brothers. from the very beginning i knew they were meant to conquer the whole world. but i'm sad. goodbyes have always been hard. no number of goodbyes will ever make me numb against them. i'd like to believe that 2 years will fly by like no time at all, but i can only fool myself so much.
i look into my brothers' futures and i see it crystal clear. but when i look into mine, a huge thunderstorm prevents me from seeing clearly. maybe that's how it's supposed to be with your own future. maybe you're not supposed to know until you get there yourself. but sometimes i wish for a clue. sometimes i need a sign to let me know that i'm doing the right thing, that i'm going the right way, that i'm making the right decisions. it's not easy walking blindly into the future.
i pray for everything to turn out alright. but ultimately, i pray for my brother's happiness. that's all i've always wished for for my whole family. most people take it for granted but i know that happiness in this life is what counts the most.
