we went looking for shoes yesterday and i found so many that i wanted to buy. but i couldn't move a peso. i'm saving for singapore. it pains me to leave those pretty things on the racks.materialism is such a b*tch. one day i try so hard to save up for the rest of my life, the next day i spend it all out on clothes. what do i do with myself? thinking about 2012 and the end of the world doesn't help me at all. i mean if it's going to be the end of the world soon, why the hell should i hold back? that's one messed up defense mechanism right there.
as a kid, i grew up saving for all the things i wanted. all the things i needed were provided for me but i was always too polite not to ask for the things i want. now that i'm earning my own butter, it's almost like the police line on spending has been cut. i put the police line and i cut it myself. but there's just so much clothes and shoes and food and books out there in the world that it's hard to see the stoplight.
but hey guess what, i'm accounting for all my expenses now. it was my new year's resolution. and little by little i can see that i am cutting down on my expenses. i don't think i can ever let go of materialism (not that i intend to) but at least i'm learning how to manage it. i think.
delicious ambiguity.
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