Always For The First Time

"Always for the First Time"

by Andre Breton

Always for the first time

Hardly do I know you by sight

You return at some hour of the night to a house at an angle to my window

A wholly imaginary house

It is there that from one second to the next

In the inviolate darkness

I anticipate once more the fascinating rift occuring

The one and only rift

In the facade and in my heart

The closer I come to you

In reality

The more the key sings at the door of the unknown room

Where you appear alone before me

At first you coalesce entierly with the brightness

The elusive angle of a curtain

It's a field of jasmine I gazed upon at dawn on a road in the vicinity of Grasse

With the diagonal slant of its girls picking

Behind them the dark falling wing of the plants stripped bare

Before them a T-square of dazzling light

The curtain invisibly raised

In a frenzy all the flowers swarm back in

It is you at grips with that too long hour never dim enough until sleep

You as though you could be

The same except that I shall perhaps never meet you

You pretend not to know I am watching you

Marvelously I am no longer sure you know

You idleness brings tears to my eyes

A swarm of interpretations surrounds each of your gestures

It's a honeydew hunt

There are rocking chairs on a deck there are branches that may well scratch you in the forest

There are in a shop window in the rue Notre-Dame-de-Lorette

Two lovely crossed legs caught in long stockings

Flaring out in the center of a great white clover

There is a silken ladder rolled out over the ivy

There is

By my leaning over the precipice

Of your presence and your absense in hopeless fusion

My finding the secret

Of loving you

Always for the first time.

Since it's the month of love (although I believe that the celebration of love should happen every month, every week, every day), I decided to do a Valentine's related post. I wanted to depict love: to show the sense of security it gives, the companionship it provides. This is my first time to EVER draw AND paint a guy and I'm pretty proud of myself for having survived this. HAHAHA. I know I still have a long way to go where the human anatomy is concerned but I think this is a good start. *pats self*

Funny how last week I was actually very angry about love. All around me, love wasn't working. People were fighting, everyone was getting hurt, everyday someone was crying. I thought to myself that this isn't how love is supposed to be. But thinking back, it worked just the way it was supposed to. Love isn't just about all the happy times people share together, it is also about the hurdles they conquer together. Sometimes, two people may be angry at each other and they may say hurtful things but at the end of the day, they're still there for each other and they will stay until the hurt is over and forgiveness has been granted.

(watercolor on 300gsm watercolor paper)

P.S. Speaking of watercolor paper, *GASP* I am running out of paper! why do these things cost too much? T_T

delicious ambiguity.