we don't fight fair.

if i would be reincarnated, i'd like to be a rainbow.

delicious ambiguity.

the echo persists.

do you still remember that time when we were so angry?
if there was an epicenter of hatred, we could have been that.

we used to want to change things.
but i doubt you remember what you felt then.

because all it ever came to be was a fleeting emotion, a fleeting revolution.
it did not live to see 60 signatures. the ink has run, the paper has turned yellow. and justice became a lost cause.

we knocked on your doors, we screamed for your signatures. you told me you reject the injustice, you begged for salvation. but when the wheels started turning, you made us chase you down. in the middle of the road, everything became clear. no one was strong enough to see this through.

and everything just died.

where has everyone gone?
everyone is busy living their own lives now. everyone has their own life to tend to, everyone is in a hurry to live. dreams have deadlines and everyone is chasing their own deadlines, looking for their lost selves, searching for meaning, learning, doing everything but remember what used to be. we are all at fault. what became of Vincent is our fault.

and so i ask, what do YOU want to do now?

and more importantly, what can WE do now?


delicious ambiguity.

working

this is the life.
free internet at work, facebook the whole day, burger shop when the boss is not looking.
now, how to become boss...

delicious ambiguity.

i love freedom.

i realized that this is what's most important to me right now.

one should never try to contain me because i will burst.
one should never attempt to hold me down because i was not meant to stay on the ground, i was meant to fly.
one should understand that i believe in bigger things, in a bigger purpose and that i want to contribute to these bigger things and purposes.
one should know that i dont want to calm down, that i want to run around in circles until i make it to the top.
one should realize that i am not ready to commit to a comfortable life because i am just beginning to experience the world, and i want to be able to experience, learn and feel as much as i can.

delicious ambiguity.

epiphany

i was taught the value of never giving up, never quitting and thriving til the end. i learned that enduring the things that hurt you will make you a stronger person. for a long time i convinced myself that i can endure and tolerate most things. heck, i survived four years of a college degree i was consciously rejecting. but recently i found out that there are some things that shouldn't be pushed to the limit, some situations that don't have to be endured for so long because i have a choice; because i choose to have options and i should not refuse to walk down another path.

everyone from work kept asking me why i'm leaving. i wanted to explain but i didn't think they'd understand. they wouldn't let me explain anyway. i wanted to tell them that i dont just want to leave, i NEED to leave. i don't want to get comfortable just because i earn a lot. i can't even see the big pay as a consolation for the job i am doing. i have a lot of dreams and i'd rather chase them right now than sit back and wonder about the things that could have been. perhaps i'm looking for adventure, perhaps i'm looking for something more purposeful. at this point, i am at that phase where my ideals and values are more important than everything else. for a few months i had to give them up because the job required me to do so. and that was most painful to me than anything else. it was not the stress or the 11-hour shift, it's the thought that i had to give up these things in exchange for a big fat paycheck. i refuse to believe that everything has monetarial value these days. and i refuse to be bought.

so, i'm leaving. i am aware of the numerous consequences this decision could bring and i am also aware that a lot of people will be affected by this decision. but for once, i just want to stop thinking about everyone else, about what they would think and say. i want to be able to decide for myself because of the consequences it will have on me, above anything else.


delicious ambiguity.

light

i don't feel christmas yet. maybe something happened along the way.

maybe the world forgot that it's almost christmas time.
maybe santa claus forgot to wake up this year.

maybe the world is nursing its own wounded heart, just like i am.

it's really hard to thrive in the world of adults. you try to remain unchanged, but the circumstances, the people, the decisions and the consequences eventually change you. but what's more overpowering is the emotional torture. it's a sad world out there. every smile is fleeting, every laughter shorter than temporary. this isn't the kind of world i wanted to live in. and it's the kind of world there's no escape from.

at least let me stare at the christmas lights. maybe they can light up the darkness in my heart, even just for a while.

delicious ambiguity.

if it kills me.

"..Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me.."
- If It Kills Me, Jason Mraz

love disobeys the common rules of man.

love is always easier done than said. love kills you and seldom makes you stronger. love doesn't make you wiser, pain does. and love makes you wait, and hurt, forever.

delicious ambiguity.