the road less traveled

"Perhaps i am giving too much thought to things that have less to do with thought and more to do with action." - Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River

guilty as charged. i think too much at times, usually without a point, without a conclusion, without a resolution. it scares me a little sometimes, knowing doing this too much could lead to a break in my sanity, just because there is such a thing as saturation point and limitations. but sometimes i think, what is there to fear about insanity? the social stigma? the absence of logic and reason? the thought of losing all life points ive earned so far? but even as we believe ourselves to be healthily sane, we are faced with social stigma: dagger looks because of the things we wear, backstabs, hate mail, slaps in the face. wouldnt it be nice to get out of the logic and reason cosmos for a while? no worries about norms and expectations or standards and measurements. life points are your successes, your moments of happiness, your satisfaction in life, your will to live. you get life points too by reading coelho and all of them pro-life people. superficial? maybe. but were all just trying our best to find our way. if insanity is the road less traveled, maybe it isnt too much of a big deal as we make it.

i feel too much at times too. inappropriate affect, in the words of psychiatry. inappropriate just because the emotion i possess is always too much for one occasion. exaggerated. ginormously exaggerated. but what is worse? too much thinking or too much feeling?

i dont know. and i dont seek resolution. i am only trying to live my life here. if i would be spared of such dilemmas, maybe i would be living a happier life. but whoever said i wanted a happier life? the general assumption is that everyone wants to be happy. but its the 21st century. is it still applicable? has anyone seen the emo revolution lately? i dont think there is a single living soul on this planet who has not seen a teenage kid in black skinny jeans, black baby tee, eyeliner and a hideous haircut. and oh yeah, he's a boy. these people do not want to be happy. they want to be left in their misery, with their blades and their hideous get up. but then again, maybe these things make them happy. ambivalence. thats what this generation is all about. nobody is content with a single emotion anymore. everyone tries to hoarde as much emotions as they can. does it make you a stronger person? i dont know. what i do know is that it brings you closer to insanity.

insanity is the newest trend. its the coolest death. the grandest beginning.

delicious ambiguity.