saturation to the point of no redemption.

what is the point of all of these?

as i sit here, staring blankly at my screen, allowing my vision to swirl around the bright lights, the thought suddenly comes up. i am supposed to do tens of thousands of things right this moment so i could do tens of thousands of things again tomorrow, but i am not. i am trying to fathom the pointlessness of all these transitory, temporary and insignificant things. i am wondering (as i have wondered all my life) why we struggle to live to die, to breathe despite all the suffocating forces that exist and evolve around and within us.

i have known how it is to feel genuinely tired of breathing. every intake of breath was painful. i could feel exhaustion creeping up my chest and lungs, my heart, my soul. it was real pain and exhaustion. saturation to the point of no redemption. during those moments, i looked back at my life and i said i was ready to let go. and i would have let go. it seemed so easy then. but i couldnt. breathing was involuntary. even in death, one is never in control of his or her own life. our birth was not within our power. the little power we have we use on doughnut flavors, cologne variants, music artists and printed shirts.

we are powerless. we live to realize and recognize that.

delicious ambiguity.