this is how you remind me.

i realized the extent of my loneliness last night. it was the kind that consumes you entirely and you are left with nothing else but tears. it was the kind that made you realize how pathetic your existence has been this whole time and how much more pathetic it will be the next day, and the next, and the next. it was the kind that told you you were tired and that you are not ready to face the world because you are broken. it was the kind that told you how tired you are of having to listen to the same pains over and over again, and how exhausted you are of having to try and fix broken people along the way just because you feel you need to, and it has become your lifelong obligation to. i cried because i was alone. i cried because no one could comfort me and make me stop crying. i cried because i could not seek refuge anywhere. i cried because there was no one out there.

i dont want any of these anymore. i wish everything would stop. this life has become so monotonous that i cannot bear another day of it. i do not wish for death. i just want it all to stop.

 

delicious ambiguity.