sailed on.

"..you'll only go away in the end.."

i turned 20 today. nothing really significant about it, it was just another day, another year. nothing i ever hoped for in a birthday but im used to it. when you have lived all your life wallowing in disappointment and misery, everything becomes .. the same.

i sang myself a happy birthday while i was in the shower. i couldnt get past the third happy birthday line. i was incredibly disgusted at how pathetic i have become, mourning over an insignificant birthday. it didnt matter really, whether or not i celebrate my birthday. people around me have always shown that they love me and that is more than enough. i remember that one time, when my groupmates sang me a public happy birthday in the train station. nevermind that everyone was looking our way and that my jaw dropped in shock. they sang the song anyway and hugged me like they wouldnt let go. this morning, i got an adrenaline rush from all the messages and greetings people sent at the strike of 12. my bestfriend wrote me a birthday blog which sent me bawling in tears. and a long lost friend called from far away and sang me a happy birthday.

i dont need huge parties or big gifts. it is more than enough to know that i have these people around me. i may be getting older, but i also know that i am blessed more and more each year to have them by my side through all this time.

i love you guys. thank you so much.

delicious ambiguity.