sorry no more

maybe tears don't run out. but apologies do. and today i ran out of them.

i woke up and i realized i just can't say sorry anymore.

delicious ambiguity.

with flowers in her hair

first drawing post for the year!

i should be imprisoned for spending too much time away from my sketchpad.

i'm trying to do right by starting the year with a drawing.

my use of colored pencils has been long overdue. my prismacolor set has been gathering dust since god knows when. *bangs head against microwave*

the first time i tried using colored pencils, i failed miserably. so now i decided to take it slow. slow as in one color at a time. so for today (yesterday actually. this is a late post), red is the color of the day.

originally, i only wanted to color the lips. but then i realized the orchid in her hair was red too (sort of) so i colored that too. in the beginning, it looked disgusting. hahaha. there is no other word for that red-black thingy on the left side of her face. but i didn't want to waste paper and lead so i pushed through. after all, justin bieber once said, "never say never." booyeah pop culture.

 i used a 2B pencil as her base skin color. this is a first for me. usually i only use H pencils for the skin. i've always been afraid to mess up the face. but like my great teacher once said, "never get too attached to the end products." so this is me letting go and shading it dark.

i loved how the red contrasted with the pencil. i wasn't sure i'd be able to pull off the lips but voila! overlaying colors works wonders.

 

 i could've done a better job on the orchid but all in all i think i like it.

i like it a lot. :)

delicious ambiguity.

so why am i not happy?

i don't understand how sadness can consume so much inside you. it's a disease that eats you up inside and you feel every inch, every part of you aching and hollow.

maybe i'm just tired. i hope i'm just tired. but if i am, then why don't i feel better even after i sleep? i feel like i'm changing and i am helpless.

who broke my heart?

delicious ambiguity.

it's only a while.

i'm still trying to figure out whether this is emptiness i'm feeling. i'd like to think that this is just sadness though. i guess i'm just not used to it.

i know that friends are going to drift away, grow apart from each of us sooner or later. no one can stay by our sides forever. we can't cling to the same people for the rest of our life. beginnings and endings are ever present for each of us. but i think we are all entitled to feel this hollow, sad feeling when we are left behind.

just for a while though.

just for a while.

delicious ambiguity.

snippets

my teachers used to read my journal entries in front of the class when i was in grade school and high school. they said i always had the most creative entries and they wanted to encourage the rest of the class to write as i do. i miss english class. i've known for a long time that english was my favorite and best subject. i miss reading and dissecting literature, writing, writing and just writing. i have not been doing any creative writing for a long, long time. i've been so caught up with the flow of the world. which is profoundly sad.

**

steve jobs died today. i consider him one of the most creative minds of our time. and although i only own a piece of his creations, i have a lot to be thankful for. he recreated technology, communication, music and animation like nothing before. i believe that mankind has gone a long way because of his brilliance. too bad cancer had to take him away. all good things (and people) must come to an end after all.

**

yesterday, at work, i suddenly came upon this heavy realization that i am not happy anymore. i looked around my workplace and i realize that sickness, death and grief are not things/feelings i want to associate for a long time. it pains me to realize this over and over again because i know this is not something i can choose to escape easily.

**

we don't always have to take the short cuts in life. i'm on the longest road on the map and i'm taking my time.

delicious ambiguity.

give up the blackhole

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." -Thomas Edison

we're allowed to give up once in a while right? because right now, i think, that's the right thing to do. all this time, all these years, all you've ever done was drain me. you're this big blackhole in my life.

no more. call me weak, but my life can go on without you. i've had enough of being taken for granted.

delicious ambiguity.

sketcharoo 29

it's hell out here. the heavy rain won't stop, floodwater keeps building up and more and more people are being evacuated. it's scary. i've been praying since this morning. god help us.

but the rain can't stop me from being productive. so i read up on colored pencils tutorials this afternoon. i said i was going to try another colored drawing today. i practiced all the techniques and i think i got the basics. but i still ended up drawing another B&W. heh. i wanted to try out the techniques using graphite pencils since i never really read up on it before so here we go.

i decided to shade the whole face first. i decided i'd focus on the eyes later. i wanted to finish the left side of the drawing first in order to minimize the mess i'd make on the drawing.

i'm pretty happy with the result. i think i exerted more effort on this drawing compared to the previous ones. note the clean-cut borders. hahaha. hmm makes me think about extending my love affair with B&W.

delicious ambiguity.